Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
