i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize