i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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