Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
40s are totally the cure
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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