He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
