Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
