The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
