my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
