You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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