Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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