Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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