At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
