girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
