How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
