so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize