we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
