Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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