If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
