She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
