Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
