Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
