You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
