just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
