We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
