drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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