Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
