I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
