I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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