wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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