My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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