New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
