Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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