plz talk dirty to me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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