she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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