I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
