She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
