This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
