whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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