maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
