He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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