After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
