I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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