Kiss
Puke
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
