Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
