Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize