I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
