I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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