Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
