Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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