he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
