well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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