he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Actions speak louder than pants.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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