You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
