paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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