going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
