Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
