I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
