haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize