quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
