I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
