ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
