We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
