opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize