Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize