last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
