i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
