Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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