You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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